What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
