So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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