you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
