next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
