i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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