I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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