I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize