All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
