shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
