Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
