And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
