dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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