for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
