I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
