I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
