I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
