I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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