I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
