wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
