You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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