When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
