I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
