i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
