Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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