Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
