How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The beer is more important than you right now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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