Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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