just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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