At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
