Old men and throwing up are my life now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
