i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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