When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
