dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
