I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
