It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
