I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
