the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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