tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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