i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
