I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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