Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
