My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
