and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
