I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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