Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize