I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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