whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
