....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
