he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
