Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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