Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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