I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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