Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i believe in u and ur pee
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
