Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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