it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize