I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can I color on your dick again?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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