Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
