I'm going to jail i love you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
