Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
