Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
