he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
