if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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