I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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