just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
