Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
