p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
