I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
