God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
