just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
try to milk me bitch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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