what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
