I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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