He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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