One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
