I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize